McOlympian and his paddle...

Here is an excerpt from my book, Je suis coquine. It explains the exchange between McOlypmian and I, following the night we met. Stay tuned as I get truly lost in translation...


As you know, I was introduced to a French Olympian, that one, wonderful Saturday night in March at the pub. Acknowledging that he was not only one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen in my life, but an overall great guy, I put the ol’ noggin to use, and I more or less super sleuthed him down until I found his Facebook profile online. (Side note, his profile picture was of him standing in his birthday suit with his paddle and hand placed perfectly over a certain man-zone. The photo is draw-jopping.) I sent him a friend request and waited five longs days. Then, to my surprise, a post on my Facebook wall! It read: “Salut toi alors ta soirée est bien finie ??? Bisous à bientôt à Besançon !!!” I was in heaven. THE Olympian posted on MY wall. Not only that, he was inquisitive, cute and future-looking. I will translate: “Hello to you, so your night out finished well ??? Kisses, see you soon in Besançon !!!” I was pumped to the max, but wanted to play it cool, so I waited a day to respond.

I muddled over all the possibilities of responses and ways in which I could execute the proper response. I could take the straight forward approach, “I think you’re amazing, let’s get married;” a more shy approach, “Yes, it went well. Was very nice to meet you;” or perhaps the smoldering temptress way, “You know, people say the only way to really know a culture is to get in with the culture…” Alas, none of those would do. In the end, I came up with: “Oui, ma soirée était bien finie, mais elle manquait une chose pour faire une nuit parfaite… Quand est-ce que tu vas revenir à Besac? Ton levier est mignon. Bisous.” Translation: “Yes, my night went well, but was missing one thing to make it perfect (me being cute/sly in sexy fashion)… When are you coming back to Besançon? Your paddle is cute. Kisses.”

Now, the area of most concern is “Ton levier est mignon.” I used an online translation to look up how to say “paddle.” Why I did not consult my dictionary, to this day I do not know. Let this be a lesson to you all, DO NOT USE ONLINE TRANSLATION WEBSITES. So I went with “levier” as paddle because I wanted to be witty about his naked picture with his paddle. About a day after I sent the message, I decided, on a whim, to look up the word “levier” in my dictionary. I am not one who knows a lot about kayaking or any water sport that involves a paddle, perhaps I said like a ping pong paddle or something like that. Much to my surprise, I was not even close to saying paddle. When translated word-for-word I said, to a gorgeous Olympian man keep in mind, “Your gearshift is cute.” Let me repeat, “Your GEARSHIFT is cute.” WHO SAYS THAT? If there were some miracle of him ever seeing me again, or having any slight interest in my existence as a human being, I either just shot it dead or made the man fall in love me.

Naturally, I had to tell John Elliott Mavity and Siddie. Initial reactions? A lot of laughing followed by many jokes dealing with gearshifts, which there seem to be an endless supply of.

The reason why this is hilarious is for two reasons: 1 – the use of gearshift is ridiculous because it immediately signifies one part of the body, and then gives you a visual as to how it can be used/manipulated which is wrong and strange; 2 – when talking to an Olympian, or any beautiful man, to suggest that his package, and then calling it a gearshift, is cute is equally ridiculous. I did send him a follow-up message to clarify the word that I actually wanted to say, which is “pagaie,” a word not even close to “levier.” As my friend Austin said to me, “you can’t make that shit up,” and it’s true. I have never been more proud of a language mishap than that one.

Update: McOlympian responded to the levier/pagaie miscommunication. His response: “Merci de trouver mon “levier” mignon, le tien ne dois pas etre mal non plus ;-)” which translated is, “Thank you for finding my “gearshift” cute, yours is not so bad either.” (I am not certain what the second part means, but the emoticon face selection suggests only good things.) Hook, line and sinker, ladies and gentlemen, Cassie is not out, not yet.



Love and miss you all!

Still having a blast in France :)

- Cassie