My first ever, "What-Am-I-Going-To-Do-With-My-Life???" Panic Attack !!!

As you know, I am busting my butt to get this Truman Scholarship application done. It is due DUE Tuesday, as in I hope and pray that it will be sufficient, and send it on its way to the committee for judgment day. If they choose me for a final interview, I will have to come back to Colorado to get it done... (Sorry Mom and Dad...)

For one of the parts, I have to write about what my future plans are for after undergraduate school. The catch here is that you have to UBER specific... So I have been spending hours, scouring the New York University School of Law to figure out the littlest things such as what classes I would be taking and with which Professor. (It's ridiculous how specific they want this! Though logical because it shows that you actually DO have a plan and that you are motivated to research it, etc.)

There is a Rocky Alum who was also on the debate team well before my time, Ryan, who is in his third year at NYU Law now. I knew him from helping out at the Stanford tourney and nationals in Philly back in the day... I sent him an email asking him about specific programs and what not, seeing what he had heard and done himself. He responded, but the first thing he said to me was the first piece of advice he was given : don't go to law school.

DON'T GO TO LAW SCHOOL!!! What the hell... He justified it well. Law school is often a refuge for people who don't know what they want to do with their lives. They go because they can, but a couple hundred thousand dollars in debt later, having sold their soul to corporate law, they hate life and are more likely to become addicted to drugs, alchoholism, depression, divorce, etc. Talk about a proverbial broad-siding there...

So I freaked. What if law school wasn't for me after all? What if law school doesn't achieve any of the thigns I want to do in life? Am I just resorting to it???

He attached some links for articles for me to read. Articles on the truth of law school and life as a lawyer, from the not so green side of the fence. This bogged me down even more... Then there was one article that was on a link of a link of a link. The auther talked about very basic stuff. How in our society we think work is supposed to be this awful experience and we aren't supposed to like it but it lets us get by so suck it up kind of an attitude. Later on he said he came to a point in realization in his life. You can always get by, so why not do what you want to do? He asked himself a simple question which I wrote down on the top of a piece of paper and stared at it for five minutes :

"What contribution do I want to make in the world?"

In the midst of my freaking I began to make Apple Strudel Muffins in case I want to eat myself into oblivion. While I was mixing the ingredients I knew one way I wanted to contribute, I want to teach. Particularly, I want to advance women and children in the USA and in French-Speaking Africa through education. I am a firm believer that knowledge is power, and ignorance is never bliss, because if that were the case, there would be more happy people, wouldn't there be?

The second thing, is I want to be a politician to work towards educational reform, make changes within the infrastructure.

Lastly, I want to be an ambassador so that I can continue to contribute to America's diplomacy and making the world a little bit better.

After realizing these things through my mini soul search. I thought, now why on earth would I go to law school??? Maybe I should get a masters in something... and then pursue a Ph.D??? I was lost. Luckily, my voice of reason, Jason, was online. I had sent him an email telling him of my freak out session and he just asked me what was wrong, and what I had realized. I told him what I wanted to do. And he goes, Cass, how does law school not help you in any of those things you want to do? A J.D. is a terminal degree, so you can teach law... If you want to be a politician, it's good to know how laws work and are structured within the US... As well, the skills you practice and perfect are very useful in diplomacy... How can law school hurt you? Whether it is the best pathway, neither of us knows because it really is a case of "to each their own."

Everything came back into perspective for me. I can go to law school and still be able to contribute to the world in the ways I want to. Law school does not inhibit nor limit my capacity to do so in anyway, it actually enhances it.

So everything is ok in my little world again. Though it was stressful, my mini panic attack was actually really good for me because it helped put things back into perspective, and yummy apple strudel muffins in my belly :)

I love you all!

- Your Relieved and Truman Work-A-Holic Cassie